The Twat in the Hat.

All righty, let it be known: I bloody love a hat. I don't have a favourite style or colour; it just needs to have a hole to stick my head in. Job done.

The chronic problem with my love of hats is I always look like a right twat when wearing one. Trust me, there's plenty of photographic evidence to support this statement (see enclosed). And, of course, there are many of you out there who would argue — quite rightly — that I look a right twat no matter what I'm wearing, and that's fair enough.

Now, some of my hats have been bought with good hard-earned coinage, some have been purloined from the deceased, some have been salvaged from car-boot sales; skips; the side of the road etc; and some have been simply acquired from the land of Lord-Knows-Where. However, wherever they have come from, I have never needed to take out a second mortgage to obtain any single one of them, no matter how outrageous they may be.

I feel the need here to tell of possibly the most outrageous thing I've ever donned. When I was fourteen my parents bought me a US cavalry style hat (think General Custer). I adored the hat, but decided it needed further snazzing-up. So, I punched a hole in the top and another in the side and then pushed a plastic sword through the holes. Man, did I think it was the coolest thing ever! Of course, in reality, I just looked like a right twat.

Anyhoo, as stated, I have never spent the equivalent of the national debt of Peru in order to put something on my head, but did you know that, excluding things plonked on the heads of Kings, Queens or Popes, the most expensive hat in the world is the Chapeau D'Armour (hat of love) designed by Atelier Laurent. It's made of pure platinum fabric and encrusted with diamonds and will set you back some 2.7 million dollars!

Other notable titfers include the fedora worn by Michael Jackson in the 1984 music video for Billie Jean which sold for 350,000 dollars, and Charlie Chaplin's bowler which would set you back a measly 62,500 dollars.

I have no doubt that in any of them, I would still look a right twat.

Nevertheless, if you want to read about a character in a hat (you will need to decide if he's a twat or not) then check out my forthcoming effort How Hard is it to Kill? available shortly in paperback or all forms of e-book. I'd love to hear what you think.

Peace and Love,

Mac